


Oxford Blue

by dontmindme_imafangirl



Series: Who said flowers can't bloom in space? [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, One Shot, Two Shot, its bittersweet dw, klance, there's always fluff~, there's fluff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontmindme_imafangirl/pseuds/dontmindme_imafangirl
Summary: The bond between a Paladin and their Lion is unique, a sacred experience that differs from person to person.Lance isn't sure how to preserve that bond without falling apart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> aka Langst. In case you want to see a broken tired sad boy and his worried bf...you've come to the right fic
> 
> Song in the beginning is Blue by Troye Sivan :)

_I know you're seeing black and white_  
So I'll paint you a clear blue sky  
Without you I am colour-blind. 

*****

He knew that he should've expected it. 

It made sense after all.   
The constant shivers, the rigidness of his fingers, how his jacket did nothing to aid in the trembling of his thin body, his entire existence feeling weaker day by day. 

Yet when the thermometer showed him a shocking 33.2, he froze in his seat, glaring down at the machine at hand. 

Okay. Maybe he did the calculations wrong. Maybe the conversion from the Altean equivalent of a temperature meter wasn't quite correct. Hell, maybe this junk he picked up wasn't even anything close to a thermometer. 

All doubts be damned, Lance knew there was something wrong. 

He felt it since the very first time he bonded with Blue, the moment his hands first gripped her controls, sending a murmur of a shiver down his spine, accompanied with a need to just let go, to merge with her and leave all earthly attachments. 

Ignoring the deafening thought was his only choice of action. At least the only one he could think of, the only one that made sense-he was Blue's paladin, how could she not _see_ that her request-her need of attachment to him was threatening his entire existence?  
How could she not see the pain that tore his heart in half whenever he thought about forgetting his sister's face, or his younger brother's laugh, or the way his chest sunk at the possibility of never seeing them again, ending a losing war only to go back and find them gone, if he ever made it back. 

Perhaps, he pondered, perhaps she did see it. Perhaps she saw how his eyes were littered with a hidden darkness, a complaint he never let slip his mouth, how his smile was so perfectly staged even his beloved friends couldn't tell it apart from those genuine laughs he was so used to back when everything was so simple. 

The thought made his body shiver further and he cowered away from it, his arms finding his sides and rubbing ferociously in hopes that it would make the coldness clinging to him like a child on its mother go away. 

He stopped and straightened when the door of the med bay opened, revealing a laughing Coran and a content Allura. 

He didn't deserve to screw them over with his own problems. He didn't have any right to to complain about anything, because complaints meant weakness and Lance wasn't weak dammit.   
Not in front of others at least. Not until he shut his lights off every night and spent sleepless nights with the taste of salt in his mouth, reminding him terribly of sun kissed beaches and gentle warmth of summer days. 

He knew he couldn’t fool himself any longer.  
Lance was weak. He just hoped nobody else figured it out. 

****

It was well into their augmented night when he let himself slither away from the rest of the crew, or at least the one that was awake. He knew Shiro would be doing his usual patrols, fending off his own demons and Keith...

Well, Keith was Keith. He was someone he didn't want to find on his way right now, and most definitely not someone he wanted to see him in such a state.  
He trudged his way to the showers, body weak with fatigue and each muscle of his core and limbs aching, reminding him of the strain he put on himself everyday to fight a war he had no belief he could ever win. 

He turned the shower handle, embracing the droplets of water hitting his face, his hair, every fiber in him slowly relaxing under the warm touch. 

Before he could relish in the feeling, the cold he carried with him for so long hit his core with a profound ferocity, the gentleness of the water doing little to protect him from his further dropping temperature. 

He felt so cold ever since he started piloting blue. Cold, alone, terrified. He was becoming an icicle of what he used to be and the thought did nothing to ease the tremble that fell over his shoulders. 

Turning the shower handle further brought a surge of warmer water to his body, yet the ice persisted, it   
enveloped him, it pierced his skin and found its way into his stomach, his lungs, his heart-

He turned the handle to the far right, the surging water becoming a sweltering heat against his body. He noticed the way his hands stung his knuckles reddening, followed suit by the rest of his body. 

He was aware that the heat of the water should he excruciating, how he should be shrieking in agony from the crimson burning of his arms. 

He thought he'd much rather burn his body to a crisp than allow himself to fall into icy depths of dark blue waters. 

*****

He must've been in there for hours, perched under sizzling waters with his head hung low and a palm supporting his weight onto the wall, since his legs weren't to be trusted to hold him straight anymore. 

Back home, his mother would've scolded him for hogging the shower, her knocks on the door would be loud and in a fast pace would will her oldest son out of the bathroom to leave time for his siblings to shower before school. 

He reminisced how his father would tease him, told him how he must've been a mermaid in a past life if his love for water was anything to go by and Lance would laugh, asking his father to tell him more of his stories that were passed on to him by his grandfather-his mother would tell him the myths and legends of their Spanish heritage, tales about wandering souls and beautiful women, while his father would share old English tales of fierce dragons and alluring sirens, bringing knights to their demise in a heartbeat, if they were not brave enough to stand rigid against their calls. 

"Lance?"

The voice rung on hollow ears, the waves of icy waters in his head drowning his senses. 

There was a mumble of a deep voice in his head but he ignored it in favor of closing his eyes, not even registering when the water from the shower head stopped falling over him, how he was draped in a towel and carried in arms he felt all too familiar with-perhaps that familiarity is what caused him to nestle his nose into the skin by his face, the scent of sweat and tree bark lulling him into a dreamless slumber. 

He didn't have any dreams since he came here.   
And if some nights he woke up with heaving breaths and red eyes, they were most definitely not the produce of constricting nightmares. 

****

He roused at the sound of shuffling feet, a frantic pace of a body moving back and forth pushing him to open his eyes and register his surroundings. 

He was in a bed, that much was clear. There were no blankets over him, and the clothes he wore were minimal-a peek down assured him he was wearing nothing more than a pair of underwear that were very clearly not his-who would have such a non-existent sense of style to wear bright red boxers anyway? 

Unless...

"Fuck, Lance you're awake!"

Keith knelt by his side, eyes wide and frantic, looking him up and down with furrowed brows. 

"Yes?"

There was no room for his usual jokes, not when he couldn't keep his body still from the cold and Keith's looks of worry. 

"You were-dammit Lance you were in the showers for who knows how long, and the water was freaking _burning_ -I thought you got second degree burns!"

He pushed himself up and onto the bed, bringing a hand at Lance's side. 

"I called Shiro in and he said that you're surprisingly okay, though you wouldn't wake up-you were breathing though so he said we should let you rest and wake up on your own."

Lance raised an eyebrow but said nothing, noticing how the boy next to him worried his lower lip before opening his mouth to speak again, face turned away from Lance. 

"I uh, I didn't want to go to your room and leave you alone so just-I put you in one of my..you know" he waved a hand towards Lance's thighs, the nape of his neck getting redder by the minute, "but you can uh, feel free to change when you're feeling better."

There was something about the ease of having Keith next to him that somewhat settled in his chest, a small fire burning and trying to stay alive, trying to push the cold away and melt the piles of ice around it. 

"Keith."   
The boy hummed in response, inching closer to bring a hand to Lance's forehead, presumably checking for his temperature.   
Lance took the chance and grabbed the hand on his head to pull the boy closer, earning a gasp when his body hit the mattress right next to Lance. 

"Dude what the-"  
"I'm cold."

Keith stared for a moment then sighed, fixing his gaze into Lance's, ignoring the small pout on the taller boy's face. 

"You were showering in what must've been a hundred degrees water. You should've been burnt all over and yet you're not just fine, but you're _cold?!_ " he huffed in disbelief. 

"I'm cold."

He saw the shift of Keith's head, how he shut his eyes and clicked his tongue, before sitting up and pulling off his jacket-of course the training junkie would still be wearing his day clothes, and struggling to wear it over a sluggish Lance. He lay back down and pulled the duvet over them both, essentially tucking Lance in. 

"Better?"

He brought a hand up to his face and breathed in the scent of Keith on his sleeve, a bit too short but snuggly fitting on his arms. 

"No."

He relished in the irritated huff Keith let out, in the way he pulled him by the waist and brought him to his chest. 

"You're an idiot you know that?" He complained into Lance's hair, the hand not gripping his side making gentle runs through his mop of chocolate hair. 

"Yeah, I'm aware."

He knew the answer wasn't typical of him, but in the tired state he was in, he couldn't bring his usual facade up front. 

Keith shifted, tugging Lance away in favour of leaning over him, an arm propped by the side of his head. 

"Lance." he looked down, any teasing from before lost from his voice. "I...we're dating, aren't we?"

Lance felt himself blink owlishly. 

"Yeah?"

"I know it's recent, and I know we still got a long way ahead of us but-you _do_ realise you can confide in me right?"

He felt a lump in his throat but ignored it, savouring the sincerity in Keith's voice. 

He wanted to tell him. About the sleepless nights, about Blue's voice in his head, about the persistent coldness of his body and his beckoning thoughts. He wanted to tell the grey-eyed boy about his family, about the sweets his grandmother makes and the love his younger sister has for drawing. He wanted to hear about Keith, ask him about his childhood, about his fears, what he misses from Earth-

But Lance didn't deserve it. He had no confidence the frowning boy would want to hear about him nor answer his questions. 

He didn't believe Keith would find anything to like once his cheerful play fell away and revealed the broken shell of a person he had become. 

"Lance. Please don't shut me out."

His heart thrummed in his ribcage when Keith took his hands, refusing to let his gaze focus anywhere else then the graveness of his lover's voice. 

"I know you do it. I know you're shutting me and everyone else out. I know how you're faking it when you act like a goof around us, and I know you think it's for our sake but god dammit Lance, I want to see you be _happy_."

The prickling behind his eyelids hurt, and sooner than later a shield of tears sheltered him from the pained expression of the person he loved, of the person that should of never seen him in such a weakened state. 

"Please don't cry. Just-just tell me what's wrong. Tell me if I can help fix it."

He let Keith lean close, cradle him in his arms and wipe away tears with him thumb, cooing him with hushed reassurances all the while. 

They were a mess of tangled limbs by the time he calmed down, the feeling of his skin meeting Keith's touch forcing away the cold in a heartbeat. 

His eyes started to flutter shut, and he knew he'd fall asleep soon, the rising and falling of Keith's chest a reassurance that perhaps the boy was right-perhaps he was never alone after all. 

"Keith?"  
He felt the hum of reply rater than hear it. 

"I...I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I doubt there's a way to fix anything but I'd like it if you just hear me out anyway."

Keith's chest vibrated with a small laugh, tugging strings from Lance's heart.

"Sometimes things don't need to be fixed Lance."

The feel of a hand on his side was the last thing he remembers before falling asleep, the small flame in his mind becoming bigger and bigger until it melted away the ice, leaving shades of clear blues and pools of fresh water behind. 

He had his first dream that night.   
He can't remember much, but he's certain it revolved around colours, shades of red and blue and grey swirling behind his eyelids, pulsing a feeling of enveloping warmth throughout his whole being. 

Perhaps Keith was right after all. Perhaps he was the one in the wrong. 

Perhaps, there was a way to fix it. 

*****


	2. Garnet Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith still remembers the day Red saved him.  
> He remembers the sense of his heart burning to a crisp the moment she opened her mouth and took him into her safe embrace, remembers the comforting heat on his skin.
> 
> He knows Red saved him.  
> He's not so sure he deserved to be saved.

_"Tell me, have you thought about killing me?"_

_He was standing on the edge of an infinite void, his feet touching a ground not visible to his bare eye, an odd discomfort shifting through his limbs._

_She was looming over him, her ardour nearly blinding him, pits of amber resembling wide feline eyes etched onto her head._

_He realised, this must be a dream._

_He's been having those a lot lately._

_Back on Earth, back in the shambles of what he'd tried to call home, he never dreamt.  
His head touched the pillow every night and he was out like a light, waking up the next day with no resemblance of a dream remnant in the corners of his eyes, as if the god of sleep didn't dare touch a child in a state like his, so lost, so broken, so-_

_So messed up._

_He peeked up from the vast expanse of darkness below him, coming face to face with his lion, her ever-so watchful gaze observing him with a lazy curiosity._

_He asked her a question, one he'd never dare consider in any other state of alertness. Only in this newly opened world to him, in the world of the unconscious mind, would he dare speak words he'd never think of uttering elsewhere._

_Has she thought about killing him? Has she ever deemed him unworthy to be a Paladin of Voltron?_

_Who was he, a mere brat, to guide a sentient robotic Lion over 10,000 years old through time and space? Who could possibly let him, a drop-out, a failure, become a defender of the universe, when he couldn't even control his own mind?_

_She held his eye once more before replying, before replying, her simple answer crashing through the vastness he was set upon._

_"Yes."_

_He was right. She probably never deemed him worthy to be a Paladin from the start. She'd probably taken pity on him, just like the people that denoted him to nothing more than a sob-story, she merely saved him from his certain death and here he was, thinking he was her pilot, her companion-_

_Keith was nothing._

_Red disappeared from his sight, and suddenly he was alone and he couldn't breathe, he was pummelled into space with no one to grasp his hand and pull him back onto solid ground, his body shaking, his blood threatening to burst out of his veins, crimson flashing behind his eyes-_

- _eith_  
_Keith_

"Keith!"

His eyes hurt, his entire skull pounding like he just fell head-first from a thousand meters onto concrete.

It took a second to recognise the cool touch on his burning cheeks, the worried voice calling out his name.

"Keith. Keith baby look at me. Are you okay?"

He took a contemplative breath before locking eyes with Lance's, the worried boy rubbing circles on Keith's cheek with his thumb. 

Lance took the gaze as an affirmative, a reluctant pout on his lips.

"You were having a nightmare."

"Was not."

His voice was so hoarse, he knew it fooled neither of them.

Lance sighed, letting go of Keith's head in favour of retrieving a bottle of water from beside the bed and offering it to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"  
His face was turned away from Keith, and it hurt him more then he'd like to admit when he heard the fear laced in-between his beloved's words.

Did he want to talk about it?  
Absolutely not. 

But he was the one preaching trust and honesty between them not so long ago, so keeping quiet now would only deem him a bigger screw-up then he already felt like.

"It was Red. She said...she said she's thought about killing me before."

Mentioning it now, in this realm, in this state, it left a bitter taste on his lips, his tongue burning from the pain of the words, of the realisation-

Lance's expression was carefully blank, making the knot forming in Keith's stomach constrict further.

"That was just a nightmare Keith. Red would never hurt you."

"Do you know that?"

Lance's eyebrows furrowed.

"Do you know for certain that she never thought about it? For all you know she could want me dead right now. Maybe she never even wanted me as her paladin in the first place. Why would she anyway. I'm a screwed-up drop-out with a short temper."

He was too scared to peek up to see what Lance's expression was. He didn't want to see the face of the person he loved hold the one feeling he loathed.

He couldn't bear to look up and see Lance _pity_ him.

A burst of pain on either side of his cheeks brought him back to reality, and suddenly he was looking straight into Lance's face, blue eyes hiding behind a never-seen before fury, a fire that could easily surpass Keith’s own.

"Now you listen here you big hot-blooded idiot." he started, both hands still grasping Keith's face, "You are _none_ of those things. You're the most god-damn smart, hard-working and diligent person I know, and Red is fucking _lucky _to have you as her Paladin. Yes, you do have a short temper, but you're also quick to forgive and you care so damn much about the people you love, that said temper is but a small tiny flaw on an other-wise impeccable character."__

__He felt the heat rush to his cheeks, forcing him to look down._ _

__"None of that change the fact that I'm a drop-out with obedience issues."_ _

__"Says _who?!_ The Garrison? Those fools couldn't take some good old constructive criticism and blamed it on you as an 'obedience issue'. Fuck them! You're the most loyal person I know, and you obey orders when you feel them right to, and there's nothing wrong with that!"_ _

__They both stilled, breaths hitched after their shouting, the room silent under their gazes._ _

__“When will you realise it Keith.”_ _

__Lance’s hand found it’s way to the nape of Keith’s neck the raven boy welcoming the cool touch on his skin,_ _

__“You’re…you. Flaws and all. You’re like this, beautiful construction of atoms and stardust. You’re flawed yes, and quick to act and a big ball of grumpiness, but so _what_?”_ _

__He sighed, bringing their foreheads together._ _

__“I love you. I love your flaws, and your cool side, I even love that scrunchy nose you get when you’re angry, and that huff you do when you find something funny but don’t wanna laugh out loud at it.”_ _

__“I love all of you”, he breathed onto Keith’s lips, “I just wish you loved yourself like that too.”_ _

__The flush of his cheeks took a second to become recognised, clashing with the numbing coolness touching him, pushing and begging almost to take out the fires lit the moment he first laid eyes on Red._ _

__He remembers how it felt, how his skin burnt with a million fiery tongues the moment he held her gaze in his, how it prickled and hurt, how his blood froze the moment he felt Red had rejected him, how it was set ablaze when she run after him, how she let him in and saved him from certain death._ _

__Had that been her own reluctant way of showing him she’s accepting him? Had all those times she came to his rescue not been out of pity, but out of love? Out of respect to her own Paladin?_ _

__Could he possibly deserve the recognition Lance insisted she had given him? That he himself was giving Keith?_ _

__“You feel warm” Lance’s voice grounded him back, the feel of his lover’s forehead meeting his bringing a new wave of red to his face, “you didn’t catch any space fever, did you?”_ _

__He huffed, small smile toying on his lips.  
“You’re the one that’s too cold, you hypothermic nerd.”_ _

__Lance leaned back, bringing a hand to his chest.  
“Wha-! Why I’ll have you know _you’re_ the one that’s dating this nerd!”_ _

__“Damn right I am. And I love said nerd. To eternity and back.”_ _

__He leaned closer to the stunned boy, enjoying the way his boyfriend’s eyes grew wide and the usual cocky grin gave way to an embarrassed ajar mouth he promptly leaned closer to and covered with his own._ _

__Swiftly, he settled back, smirking at the boy’s embarrassment, before moving away and settling back onto the bed.  
Surely enough, Lance followed suit, his face hidden onto Keith’s back with a mumbled ‘nerd’ whispered onto his skin, a warm arm thrown around his waist._ _

__He was, for the first time in what felt like forever, content.  
Yet there was still a prickling beneath his skin, a flame not yet put out, not one he’d ever want to put out even if given the choice._ _

__“Lance?”_ _

__He felt the huffed reply on his back._ _

__“How did you know? How did you know Blue was…yours, and you were hers?”_ _

__He heard a small laugh, translating into a shiver up his spine._ _

__“I didn’t. But she did. She always did. And eventually, I learnt it too.”_ _

__There were so many questions left unanswered, so much more he wanted to ask, ask Lance, Pidge, Hunk, everyone on this ship.  
He needed answers, yet deep in the chambers of his heart he knew._ _

__He needed answers no once could answer. No one but her._ _

__******_ _

_He was back into the void, a profound heat etching its way into his core._

_In other dreams, on other nights, she’d pounce, make curious circles around her pray, quiet movements of her tail indicating her weariness of the situation._

_This time around though, she was merely standing in front of him, her great stature that usually loomed over him suddenly seeming smaller, frailer._

_”Do you see?” she asked, and her voice felt like a summer day and an unkempt fire taking place in his mind all at once._

_”Do you see now?”_

_He did._  
_He was looking at her eye to eye, her ferocity now only just matching his own, her each movement mimicking his._

_In this realm they were but one, one entity split to two bodies, one soul shared between two entities._

_”I need to ask you again. One last time, like this.”_

_She remained silent, but her eager gaze begged him to proceed, to finally let her soul speak what it had wanted to for so long now._

_”Have you…have you thought about killing me?”_

_”Yes.”_

_He felt the shiver up his spine, how it reached his skin and drilled holes through his bones._

_”I have thought about killing you. About killing the aspects of yourself that you despise so. The eagerness you wish to rip away from your being, your inflexibility, your impulsiveness; I’ve thought about plucking out your insecurities, one by one, like weeds from a garden.”_

_”Why didn’t you?”, he breathed, and suddenly he didn’t feel so afraid anymore. He let the boldness pluck its way from his toes and reach his torso, swirl through his veins and boil the blood coursing through him._

_”What would remain if I did? An impeccable character? Perhaps. But would you still exist? Would my Paladin still be mine? You would be but a stranger, one not compatible to my own eagerness and strong will.”_

_She kneeled in front of him, letting her wistful eye meet his face. He felt the hot air around them still._

_”You must understand. I chose you. But you chose me just as well. We’ve matched our flaws in the same way we matched our strengths. You are my Paladin. I am your Lion. Ever so old and ever so weary, our age changes not that we are still not the faultless beings you seem to believe we must be.”_

_She took a shaky breath that filled his mind with thoughts of amber flames swirling softly in an eager dance._

_”Do you see now?”_

_He nodded. He did, he finally did. He understood her words, what she meant all along, through every gaze and each action._

_”We fit because our insecurities…because our fears don’t define us. Because we don’t want to let them define us. Both of us.”_

_She smiled._

_”You’re learning how to love them, ever so slowly. You’re being taught, as much as you’re teaching. I’m thankful for that.”_

_He wanted to ask how, who it was teaching him, who it was he was teaching, but he felt the shivers of raindrop on his cheeks and he understood. Asking wasn’t necessary._

_”He’s teaching me, just as much as I’m teaching him. We’re a team. He’s my team._

_”Perhaps, once you learn how yourself, you will be the one to teach me. How to love, how to cherish your own being as it is, how to incorporate it all to your garden rather than plucking it out.”_

_He smiled, bringing a hand to his lion’s snout, gently leaning his weight to her._

_”Perhaps I will. Until then, I’ll make sure to learn more myself.”_

_For once, he felt at ease when he sensed the shattering of the invisible ground he was set upon._  
_He knew after all, that below him awaited only warm days and clear, purple skies._

__****  
The next morning found him refreshed, alert, alive. A newly found warmth seemed to course through his body._ _

__He took a contemplative breath, shifting around to meet the face of the boy still sound asleep beside him.  
He smiled before closing his eyes, deciding to let sleep cradle him once more._ _

__Back on Earth, he never dreamt, never could. Never would.  
He decided that from now on, he’d allow himself to do so._ _

__*****_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 84 years...since I said I'd upload a continuation of this fic.  
> Then again, it's more of a stand alone piece than a continuation. I really wanted to keep the two parts independent yet cohesive, since I don't have any plans on making this into a longer series, but felt that adding a further take on Keith's perspective would be befitting.
> 
> I want to say a massive thanks for all the love you guys showed this one-shot! I never expected it to get any attention so it makes me very happy to know you like it <3 I hope you like this installation just as much!
> 
> As always, kudos/comments are very much appreciated, and if you'd like to contact me/squeal about your fave voltron baes/list all the ways a human is similar to a trashcan, my tumblr's dontmindme-imafangirl.tumblr.com  
> :D
> 
> Also big hugs and thanks to my bae @ibreatheStucky for proofreading and boosting my shy insecure butt to post this T-T <3


	3. Aqua Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly a continuation, but a stand alone piece facing Lance's thoughts and feelings, and how things have changed for him since season 3.

Blue.

It’s the colour most befitting of him, he thought.

He woke up in the morning feeling blue.  
He looked around his empty room, felt the cold tint of his skin when his body left his mattress, and the chills running through his spine coloured their course with invisible blue streaks.

Blue was the colour of his eyes, the ones he looked into when he washed his face in front of the mirror, and his gut clenched at the sight; Blue was the colour of his sister’s eyes too, and his dad’s and his grandmother’s.

He carried Blue around with him since forever; he remembers the warm hugs his friends would give him when he was plastered, laying on Hunk’s kitchen floor with paled blue tears running over his cheeks, crying for his inadequacy, crying for the sake of crying, to let the sadness pooling in his chest out, hoping a physical manifestation of his Blue would lessen the load around his heart (it didn’t. it never did). 

It was the colour streaking his thoughts whenever he turned his gaze onto the boy with long dark hair and stern face, knowing what this person would think of him were he to ever befriend him. He’d feel disgust, he’d feel pity, he’d shove Lance away for being a sad pathetic fool, one that couldn’t even deal with the shit happening in his own head.

It’s not to say the only thing he’d ever felt was Blue-there were other colours too, there was the warm Yellow in his stomach whenever he and Hunk stayed up late at night talking about their daily lives and stargazing on the roof of his apartment; he felt Green, sometimes with envy but more often with curiosity, whenever Pidge would sit down with him and explain what the latest gadget they’d been working on was, slow and patient and sometimes teasing Lance for his never-ending questions.

But Blue was always there; sometimes hidden under the swirls of colours but never leaving, ever-constant and imposing, like a thick web of silken dust in a far off corner you can’t reach; it eventually increases until you have no energy to try and clean it anymore and dust slowly infiltrates each corner of your house, until that’s all you are, all that’s left.

Nothing but Blue Dust.

That very Blue changed shapes and sizes when he first saw her; 

His Lion. _His_. 

She was imposing in a way Lance couldn’t describe, a kind of colour he’d never felt before, his own Blue changing frighteningly when she bent down and opened her mouth to welcome _him_ , him! The useless one, the one without the tinkering knowledge or the engineering skills or the natural talent. It welcomed _him_ and for once he felt that maybe, just maybe-Blue could be _his_ colour.

From then on he learnt more and more, got acquaintanced with new colours.

He learnt of the bold Pink he’d feel whenever Allura’s gaze followed him, with each smile he earned himself from her and with each successful joke he threw her way. He learnt she wasn’t all work and no play, as much as he learnt to put a boundary to his own advances in respect of their mutual trust and friendship.

He learnt Purple, the colour he looked up to, the one that once overwhelmed him to the brink of anxiety-it was a colour he started learning more and more about, one he’d eventually come to think of more as an equal than something to be feared. It was a colour he could now take into his own pool of them.

He learnt Orange-not just the bright neon one the loud ginger Coran had to offer, but also the nurturing one, the one that reached out to him in hopes of fading away his own Blue, the one that put a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave him a soft smile. Lance appreciated it more than you’d think, but his own Blue refused to let him embrace it fully.

Slowly, he learnt Red.  
He learnt all shades of Red.

It was the dark fiery Red, the Red of jealousy and passion, the one that conquered his very soul with each pang of guilt and pain at his comparison of himself to Keith, the red that carried through his veins the surges of anger, the anger of his own failures, the red of carrying too much weight on his shoulders, the red that stood in front of his Blue and whispered to him: “ _you’re not good enough. You were never good enough._ ”

He felt the Red of his cheeks when Keith smiled at him, the red tip of his nose when Keith’s blush matched his own.

He learnt the softer cherry red from the warmth of Keith’s hug, from his soft words and awkward reassurances- “ _You’re enough as you are. Don’t change._

It helped. All this new colours helped, but they were never quite enough.

His own Blue never disappeared, still reeking like mould in his heart, spreading and piercing through the reassurance of all the other colours with thick thorns, reminding him to never settle, never think that he’s _worthy_ of anything but this discomfort in his brain and heart.

That very Blue manifested into icy glades at the bitter twist of events.

It became sharp glaciers when they lost Shiro; when Purple left his daily life.  
It became pointy fangs when his own Lion, the only Blue he’d come to adore shut him out in favour of another.

He felt the other colours drain away from him like water in a sink, like the watercolours he’d play with as a kid that his mom would scold for wasting and tell him to wash them off.

Yet Red was still there.

A deafening colour, the one that jolted through him, guided him off the floor and towards the Red Lion, conveying to him that he’s _enough_. 

Conveying to him that he’s needed.

It took over him for days, months even. Red overpowered the bitter Blue inside him, it gave him a profound _hope_ , one he’d never seen, never _felt_ before.

And it was stripped away from him yet again when the colour purple reappeared in his life.

It was a clash of emotions at the time.  
There was joy, happiness for seeing their long-lost friend, an exchange of tears and happy cries.  
But there was also the bitter jealousy, the Blue telling him he’s no longer welcome, no longer _needed_.

He tried chasing the Blue away. Tried visiting the Lions, tried bonding with them, tried distracting himself with Pidge and Coran. Tried voicing his demons out to Hunk, to the one person who’s been there and listening to him for years now.

He tried reaching out for that warm Red when Keith sat down with him one late night, just looking out to the stars from the safety of the Castle, hands laced together and his head resting on Keith’s shoulder.

But the words he wanted to say got caught in his throat, an icy fist clenching them and bringing them back down to the bottom of his chest, leaving them there to rot eternally.

Now there’s an ice storm in his chest, slowly freezing his limbs off bit by bit, with no certain start or end.

Lance is Blue.  
And he’s not sure how much longer he’ll survive being so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably not good. I didn't edit it, didn't really look at it twice before posting, but there was no other way I ever would post it so here it is. Sorry.
> 
> I've been wanting to continue this fic since season 3 came out and to be quite honest, this isn't the chapter i had in mind at all. I was mostly considering to just post this as a stand-alone fic or not post it at all since this is less of a fan fiction and more of me projecting myself onto my favourite character and venting in a more discreet way since irl hasn't been all that nice lately and this is also partially the reason why i haven't really been posting much as of late (sorry about that)
> 
> anyway yeah i might delete this once i have a nicer idea in mind but please bear with me until then, sorry and thank you <3
> 
> tumblr: dontmindme-imafangirl.tumblr.com
> 
> (btw-please don't think that how i describe Lance here is how i view him. It's nowhere near true and I absolutely love and appreciate his character in the show, this is just the description from his P.O.V. <3)
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: I'm removing Oxford Blue from my short series 'Who Said Flowers Can't Bloom in Space' since it's a series for pure one-shots and with three chapters and counting it's not really a one-shot anymore lol. You can still find it like usual on my account though :)

**Author's Note:**

> I could not think of a title to save my life lol, and have to go in like 2 minutes hence the rusheness of it.  
> BUT-Oxford blue has a purple tint to it, so I feel it befitting for the fic :p 
> 
> I literally wrote this in one go and it's the fastest thing I've ever written lol.  
> If any of you guys are interested, I would like to continue this with one or two more chapters :) If not, feel free to think of this as a stand-alone piece! 
> 
> As always, feel free to talk to me at my tumblr: dontmindme-imafangirl.tumblr.com or on my instagram too (username: babushkaa). Always happy to talk about gays in space~
> 
> Hope you enjoy this! Kudos/comments are always super appreciated :) 
> 
> PS:I really head canon that Lance's mother is Spanish and his father is English, hence that small reminiscing part in the fic~


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